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Monday, March 29, 2004
this was taken from a recent entry from my blog and i just felt compelled to share it here. (: i have a God of superlatives, of infinities and eternities - omnipotent, boundless, unimaginable to most minds. i try to imagine because surely a God like that will bother about me - a speck from the earth trapped helplessly, fettered and frustrated in human confines. i don't know how a mere creature as me is noticed from above; i'm just incredibly grateful for this inviolable purpose on earth. hong Strengthed his/her Faith at 6:38 AM
Friday, March 12, 2004
Wakings are the worst times - almost before my eyes are open a great weight seems to roll on to my heart. I can usually roll it off a bit during the day - for one thing, food helps quite a lot, unromantic as that sounds. I have grown more and more ravenous as I have grown more and more miserable. Sleep is wonderful, too - I have never thought of it as a pleasure before, but now I long for it. The best time of all is before I fall asleep at night, when I can hold the thought of him close to me and feel the misery slip away. I often sleep in the daytime, too. Surely it isn't normal for anyone so miserably in love to eat and sleep so well? Am I a freak? I only know that I am miserable, I am in love, but I raven food and sleep. Another great luxury is letting myself cry - I always feel marvellously peachful after that. But it is difficult to arrange times for it, as my face takes so long to recover; it would be all right in bed at night but such a waste, as that is my happiest time. It hurt me so much that I moaned out loud. I wanted to fling myself in the mud and beat my way into the ground. I had just enough sense to konw what I should look like after trying, so I stayed upright; but I couldn't go on walking. I went and sat on a stile and tried t oturn the thought out of my head - and then worse thoughts rushed in on me. Nothing in the world is single, All things by a law divine In one another's being mingle - Why not I with thine? (Percy Bysshe Shelly) Most of all I knew it because of a change in myself. Perhaps watching someone you love suffer can teach you even more than suffering yourself can. joelle Strengthed his/her Faith at 5:55 AM
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